TEMPERAMENT

Some of the temperamental characteristics that may lead to a Same-Sex Attachment Disorder are hypersensitivity, a more artistic nature, a more masculine female, a more feminine male, and a “high maintenance” child.

 The characteristic of hypersensitivity, or greater sensitivity, may be part of one’s original or inherited nature. In this world as it currently exists, I call this a “curse blessing.” I have observed that many men and women with a Same-Sex Attachment Disorder also have a greater sensitivity to any given stimuli. Of course, this does not mean that all sensitive children are or will become same-sex attracted. Remember that there is a confounding of factors that will create this orientation; it is not just one variable alone.

The hypersensitive child will react more deeply than the other children within the family system. If his family appreciates and understands his feelings, there will be no danger of the development of a Same-Sex Attachment Disorder. If his family mocks or criticizes his feelings and there are any number of other variables present, this may contribute to a SSAD condition. He may also have a more compliant nature, rather than an aggressive character, whereby there is a tendency to acquiesce and withdraw rather than to stand up and speak out.

Having an artistic nature may also be a burden if the family rejects or misunderstands the child’s gifts. The sensitive child in an insensitive environment experiences undue stress on his mental, emotional, and spiritual development.

A more masculine girl or a more feminine boy, by nature, may also be the subject of ridicule by parents, siblings, peers, and society. It is the square-peg-in-the-round-hole effect, causing the child to doubt his or her original nature. These characteristics are defined as gender nonconforming behaviors. The child will grow confident in his talents when he is understood, accepted, and encouraged. If he experiences or perceives criticism, the results will be psycho-social-biological damage. “Society’s differential response to ‘sissies’ and ‘tomboys’ may be one reason for the difference in numbers between male and female homosexuals,” says Dr. Dean Byrd.

A brief note: If the child exhibits some of these gender nonconforming behaviors, it is important for parents to encourage same-sex activities. Boys need rough-and-tumble activities, even if they have a more sensitive and/or artistic nature. Girls need to participate in same-sex activities as well, even if they exhibit a more athletic nature. Identification with one’s own gender is extremely important in the formative years of psychosocial, psychological, and psychosexual development. Same-sex activities are most important from preschool through high school years.

The “high maintenance” child requires more specialized care and attention. Those who have children like this may understand what I am describing. Each child is born with a completely unique temperament. Some children require much attention, others not as much. The “high maintenance” child needs much reassurance, touch, and constant attention. If his needs go unmet, a deficit will develop and a poor self-image will ensue.

Bernard was the younger of two boys. His mother embraced his sensitive nature while his father rejected him. Bernard’s father’s father was very cold and strict and eventually abandoned his son and family. Therefore, Bernard’s dad never experienced the warmth, encouragement, and touch of his father. Consequently, whenever Bernard would display emotions, his dad would mock and criticize him. Bernard soon learned that it was unsafe to express feelings with men. He emotionally distanced himself from his father and then doubted his own masculinity.

Matthew’s father grew up during World War II in England. Matthew’s grandfather was a casualty of war; therefore, Matthew’s father never experienced paternal love. Matthew’s stepgrandfather taught his dad that it was sissy and unmanly to show emotions. This was the philosophy that Matthew’s dad lived by. Therefore, when Matthew came along and displayed a very sensitive character, his dad was uncomfortable and distressed while in his presence. He would scream at Matthew to stop crying, stop being such a sissy, and stop touching him. Matthew eventually became like his father— a stoic. He also demonstrated oppositional behavior toward his father, doing everything he could to make him upset.

There are numerous stories of men who, as boys, felt their fathers’ disapproval because of their sensitivity. They were criticized and mocked instead of being accepted and appreciated. What becomes clear is that their fathers’ fathers were rejecting of their own sons’ sensitivity, and in order for their dads to survive, they had to bury that part of their personality deep in their unconscious. When the father then observes this sensitivity in his son, he must suppress in him what he had repressed in himself. Otherwise, he will experience much pain, anger, and grief.