BODY-IMAGE WOUNDS

Late bloomer, early maturation, physical disabilities, shorter, taller, skinnier, or fatter—these are some characteristics that may result in body-image wounds. Bodily attributes may cause pain because of peer or parental reactions. Body-image wounds seem to be quite high on the scale of contributing variables. Many, if not all, whom I have counseled felt a lower sense of self-worth due to feelings of inadequacy about their physical appearance. They detached from their fathers and then detached from their own gender. Finally, they detached from their own bodies, as they were reminders of the masculinity they rejected.

In adolescence, some did not develop as quickly as others and therefore felt inferior to peers. Others were either overweight or extremely thin, which contributed to a sense of low self-worth. Others were shorter, never grew taller like their friends or peers, and were left feeling inadequate and insecure. Still others may have had some kind of physical disability and received or perceived social criticism and rejection. Again, body-image wounds seem to be an important factor with many who have developed same-sex attractions.

I worked with a tall, handsome man named Dirk. If you saw him, you would never imagine he ever struggled with his body image. Today, Dirk is a bodybuilder and very muscular. However, when in school, he felt athletically incompetent and socially inferior to the other boys. To heal these wounds in adulthood, he engaged in a variety of sports, learned to be one of the guys, and finally learned to enjoy himself. Several organizations that help individuals come out of homosexuality organize sports activities to help them overcome their fear of athletics and competition.

Dan was a firefighter, the stereotypical image of a macho man: hand-some, muscular, athletic, and educated. However, he felt inferior to other men and attracted to adolescent boys. Dan was a late bloomer. He entered puberty around fifteen years of age. When he had to shower with the other boys after gym class, he felt ashamed and embarrassed because of his lack of physical maturity. Dan felt unable to share his pain with his father. His dad was a workaholic and an alcoholic. In addition, he would beat on Dan while intoxicated. Therefore, Dan became developmentally stuck in prepubescent years. Even though he matured and blossomed into a handsome, powerful man as an adult, he still felt inferior to other men.

One group of men I counseled was physically shorter than the average male. This impacted their sense of gender identity. Each was emotionally detached from his father. This detachment, combined with the shorter height, made them feel inferior to other men. Others were overweight, extremely thin, or had some kind of physical disability. This created a sense of gender disidentification in each case.