THE MALE AND FEMALE SAME-SEX STRUGGLE

Male homosexuality plays out differently than female homosexuality; however, the formation of gender identity and the underlying root causes of same-sex attraction are very much the same in men and women. First, before explaining the common root causes of same-sex attraction, it is important to note that there is no evidence to show that homosexuality is genetic. There may be inborn personality temperaments in men and women which may make them more susceptible to experiencing same-sex attraction, but there is no conclusive scientific evidence that same-sex attraction is in-born. However, if it is proven to be so in the future, this will not prevent us from exercising our freedom to overcome our genetic predispositions, just as we fight the genetic predisposition toward diabetes, obesity, and baldness. Although same-sex attraction has not proven to be genetic, it has proven to be involuntary. Those who fully embrace homosexuality and those who have chosen to turn away from homosexuality consistently testify that their same-sex attraction was not a choice. No one chooses to have same-sex attraction, though we may choose to act on this attraction and take on a homosexual identity.

So what causes same-sex attraction? Is it important to discuss causation at all or should we just bypass causation and focus on behavior change, spiritual formation, and living congruently with our beliefs and values? Raw science may not conclusively prove whether homosexuality is caused by nature or nurture, but ample research via interviews, testimony, and the personal experiences of those who have struggled with same-sex attraction or who have had children with same-sex attraction have shown us over and over again that the common underlying factors of same-sex attraction for both men and women include family dynamics (particularly the relationship with father and mother), personality temperament, peer labelling, sexual abuse, and spiritual and cultural influences.

It is important to discuss the causation of same-sex attraction because it is in these contributing causes that we find the healing antidote. If it is true that relational brokenness contributes to unwanted same-sex attraction, then it is relational wholeness that will decrease this attraction and fill the legitimate need for emotional connection with the same-sex that the same-sex atrated relationship promises to fill but ultimately fails to fulfill.

Although spiritual and cultural influences are certainly contributing factors in homosexual behavior, the majority of this article will focus on family dynamics, gender identity, emotional dependency, and sexual abuse as it relates to the formation of same-sex attraction in an individual. I have found that it is too easy and not completely accurate to attribute the same-sex atraction struggle solely to pro-gay cultural influences and spiritual warfare. It is tempting for parents who have children who are gay-identified to only go down these two roads, but they do so at the expense of finding healing in their own lives.

Conversely, it is also important not to underestimate the legitimate spiritual battle that we as Christians and our children face in the very pro-gay culture that we live in. Our response is to get on our knees and pray for ourselves and our children as we never have prayed before, while not forgetting that spiritual warfare is directly connected to the natural world—to our past wounds, emotions, choices, and trust/distrust of God. The good news is that God has given us the authority and power to overcome our past and our sin as we humble ourselves, confess our failings, and allow God to mold us into his image.