PASTORS AND THE POWER OF PERSONAL VULNERABILITY

For those who struggle with or who have experienced sexual brokenness and sin in their lives, the church needs to be a safe place for them. Safety comes when people can share their pain and sin openly without fear of condemnation and rejection. Because the church is led by pastors and elders, they are to be the first to model vulnerability. This means that they, too, must be open and honest with themselves and their congregation about their own sin. Shepherds are to lead their sheep along the path of brokenness, repentance and healing, but many shepherds have not allowed themselves to be led down the path themselves.

When I was leading a Sunday school class on sexual wholeness, the minister’s wife stood up and shared a personal testimony from her own life. This made such an impact on the group that a young man decided that he would share his own story (which was painful and difficult to share). His testimony brought great healing and encouragement to those who heard it, but it may never have been shared, if leadership in the church had not been the first to be vulnerable.

Many pastors do not fully realize the impact of their vulnerability in the pulpit. For generations, pastors have been expected to have their act together in every area of their lives and to not let on to their congregations when they have weaknesses or failures. It is important that pastors be healthy role models, but for too long we have put them on pedestals that only God should be privileged to stand on. The result is that we as church members have become as stoic as the pastors we are trying to emulate instead of being vulnerable and honest with ourselves and with one another.

When I was at seminary, I took a preaching class and my sermon was on I Peter 2:9, “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” During my sermon, I hared about my past struggle with same-sex attraction and the healing God had brought into my life. I was surprised and disappointed by the reaction I received from two of the professors. Their response was one of surprise and mild offense. I was told that the sermon is not the place to share such personal information. I asked one of the professors if he had ever preached on the topic of homosexuality, and he said no. He shared with me that members of congregations look up to their pastors, and it can be damaging to the congregation for pastors to discuss such controversial topics and personal struggles. I responded to his comment by saying this: “If pastors had been willing to be vulnerable in the pulpit and discuss controversial topics when I was growing up, I may not have had to struggle in silence for so many years.” At this, the professor humbly agreed.

Pastors and Christian leaders must realize that what they work so hard to maintain: an untarnished reputation, respect and admiration, preaching ability, and even celebrity status can actually keep people from the kingdom of God. These qualities are to be admired, but they are usually acquired at the expense of humility, vulnerability, and an open and caring heart for those who sin and who suffer.

On the other hand, healthy pastors realize that it is not just their parishioners who need counsel but they need it, too. As I was going through my master of divinity program in seminary, we were required to put in six semester’s worth of supervised ministry, but we were not required to engage in one personal counseling session. The one pastoral counseling class we were required to take was designed to teach us how to respond to church members who had problems, but never did we acknowledge that our class was filled with people who had the very same struggles! A theological degree is not sufficient to heal the wounds of our hearts.

I saw a lot of wounded people at seminary (including myself), and the opportunity to address personal issues during this special time of study and reflection was often missed. It is no wonder we hear of so much burnout and sexual sin among clergy. They have been primarily prepared to exposit and exhort and write theological treatises (as worthy as this is), yet many are not prepared emotionally to face their own brokenness let alone the brokenness of their entire congregation.

The position of pastor, of shepherd, is a formidable privilege and calling. One of the greatest leaders in Old Testament was Moses, and it is not by coincidence that the greatest leader is attributed with the greatest humility (Num. 12:3). The moment he attempted to attribute power to himself (Num. 20:12), he was barred from entering the Promised Land. I would venture to guess that Moses’ humility was cultivated in the desert of Moab as he reflected on his own brokenness after having fled Egypt. God can only work (with power) through broken men and women, and only broken men and women can work (with power) for God.